these 11 tracks represent the main catalyst ive gone through in the past year or so. each one means something unique and significant to me. each one represents a period of catalyst that i went through, ranging from a day or two (‘eujabi’, ‘spwog’) to a month or more (‘krunk,’ ‘kethel,’ ‘sleep’).
For all of these tracks, their composition marked the beginning of consciously dealing with the catalyst. Before having a tangible representation of the thoughts, I was largely unaware that these belief programs were in place. Writing music without thinking about the results allows me to examine my subconscious more easily than any other method. I predict that in the future I will no longer examine my past tracks as extensions of my self and simply be a pure channel of musical communication. Analyzing the music is, I think, my ego’s attachment to the past. Eventually I will simply be creating, ceaselessly, without examination, without attachment to the result. Maybe this is the goal of third density. To create, and simultaneously let go of the creation.
But I’m not there yet 🙂 So here is some quick analysis of some of the tracks:
‘kethel‘ is a huge one for me, it always plays in my head when I’m feeling unworthy.
‘the gremz‘ that melody at the end makes me feel just right 🙂
‘untitled‘ was composed when I was feeling stuck in this same old routine, colorless and bland, yet somehow intellectually stimulating enough to hold me to it. I don’t really understand it yet.
‘renbo‘ was positive transitional catalyst. This track feels much more mature than I was when I wrote it. Actually I don’t feel like I wrote it, it felt more like I was listening and agreeing with what was being said.
‘realms‘ is a message from my higher self, I have no doubt about that. It represents the cavernous, gloompy, organic, loving, intelligent lands of the higher densities (maybe where i come from??) This one is probably my favorite on here. It seems childishly playful to me, like I contacted the part of myself that only recently awakened to the endless realms of play in the higher dimensions. Also it feels like it is merely a doorway to the real thing, the shadow of what actually is.
‘sleep‘ is the most recent one. That catalyst was very strong, and it still occasionally makes itself known. It plays in my head when I’m feeling the confining weight of my belief systems. It is a quite uncomfortable state at times.
HOWEVER, when I explored this track in a salvia-induced meditative state, I realized that while on the surface this belief system is uncomfortable to me, in FACT there is a deeper part of my being that LOVES it. This deeper part of myself is strongly attached to it, and therefore I continue to experience it. The lesson, then, is that all painful experiences are agreed upon, nay, YEARNED FOR, by some aspect of our being. Once I consciously delved into the part of myself that desired it, I became consciously as large as the belief system itself. It and I were equals, and could interact on even ground.
‘elorien‘ is a sigil, a fantasy of where I want to be, often. a grassland with rain and sun and forest, where i can play piano in a cozy house with a dog to run around, and a group of friends who pass by from time to time. I noticed later that 3/4 of the chords are minor chords, yet it doesn’t feel completely sad. I think I enjoy melancholy loneliness in some deep part of myself, because I experience it a lot, and pine for more of it.
There’s always more to infinity!!